Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
