I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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