i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
