He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
