he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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