barbara walters just said penis...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
