we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
