I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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