I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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