If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
