I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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