i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
