HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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