if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
