cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
