are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
