Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
