she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
