1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
