I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
