Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
