Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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