so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
