I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
