You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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