You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
