I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
