You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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