Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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