Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize