Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize