I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
