I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
