i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
