so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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