Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
