Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize