Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
