Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Semen is not good for contacts.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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