I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
