Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize