Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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