Already got asked if we're dating
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
