Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
