Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
