I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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