Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
