Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
