I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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