So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
