We won't sleep together?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
