oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize