After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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