Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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