she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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