okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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