6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
