MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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