Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
