her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
