So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
